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Imagine: you’re in your car, driving with a friend to Sonic or something. They ask, “what is that,” pointing to the mysterious object hanging from your rear-view mirror. It smells like Dark Ice but that’s not the important part.

“Oh, that?” you ask. You’ve been waiting for this. “That’s just my elitefitrea air freshener.”

A brief, awkward silence follows. “Your what?”

You’ve got this.

As if from memory, you say, “it’s this weird band. I think they might be a cult but it’s hard to tell; like—they call themselves a cult, but that’s not what a cult would normally do, so, you know. Like I said. Anyway, I bought everything. Literally. Everything. Because that’s what Bryan would want.”

You can tell this does not really answer the question but that’s okay. What’s important is that you bought the air freshener too.

One day your friend will find this page, and your mysterious recitation. Did you do that for fun? Or because we’re really actually a cult? Only a true believer would know. The kind of true believer who orders an air freshener.

Will your friend order one, or will they navigate away?

The Labyrinth Logo elitefitrea air freshener.

Smells like Dark Ice.

Your favorite.